Embracing Change One Step at a Time

I'm a sucker for a good story. I cry at well-done documentaries. I plow through memoirs of joyful lives and epic adventures. And I often ask people to tell me the story of their own life, or at least their most vivid memory. I seek story after story.

It's rarely about the happy ending. For me, it's more about the moments of change, big or small, shaping them into who they'll become. You can see their stories whittling away at their character even when they can't see it for themselves. Change fascinates me. It also scares the hell out of me.

This week, change has been permeating my own story. I've embraced it with a mixture of anxiety, excitement, anticipation, guilt, and worry. Hard to imagine all those emotions swirling together inside one person, but it's how I deal with a big change. I start by sucking at it. The excitement and anticipation of the new is blurred with the anxiety and guilt of letting go of the old. 

How does one (okay, I'm speaking more about me here) get through change? How do we embrace it in a healthy, productive way without becoming a hot mess? 

Here is what I've learned from all the stories I've ever had the privilege of hearing along the way:

1. Seek wise counsel. A trusted friend, a prayer partner, a parent, a mentor, or anyone who can give you sound advice and a better perspective--stick to them like super glue! When you're emotional, as change often makes us, a person to keep you grounded is key.

2. Take one step at a time. I'm a control freak. This means I constantly seek what the big master plan is for my life, and it would be even better if it was all printed out, color coded, and spiral bound. Guess what? Life isn't that neat and tidy. When in doubt, just take the next best step. It's enough...for now.

3. Wholeheartedly embrace it. Take a deep breath, blow the worry out, then embrace change with gusto. Change is needed because we cannot live a great story without it. If we have no twists and turns, direction changes, ups and downs, rollover-and-play-dead-but-then-get-back-up, we are living the worst kind of story. It's the one that no one cares about.

I put a lot of expectations on myself. I'm my worst judge and my hardest critic. Change brings a lot of unknowns that I can't control. That's okay. I know in my heart I can't live a better story worried about the worst-case scenario. Neither can you. 

Starting now, I'll only be looking forward to the excitement and great anticipation of what is ahead. It's shaping me. I can feel it already.

The Potter and His Clay

My youngest son, who just turned seven last week, has a true artist's heart. He paints, he draws, he colors and creates, and now he even makes pottery. This is his first creation on his birthday pottery wheel. I captured his intensity in this photo, but wish I could have also captured his excitement. He is doing exactly what he was made to do.

I've been thinking a lot about this lately. How God created us with certain gifts and passions that tell us the path we should go, what we are made to do. It's what puts fire in our belly. It's what makes work not seem like work. It's what makes us passionate about certain things in the world.

And, yet, we lose our way. Every day. 

We say yes to things that aren't our strengths, or our passion, because someone asked us to serve (and they were kind in their request), or we got promoted into a job that no longer fits who we are. We become drained, but we keep plugging away. No intensity. No excitement in our soul.

Gretchen Rubin, who wrote a wonderful book called The Happiness Project, notes that one of the keys to finding more happiness in your life is to be serious about play. She writes, "What did you like to do when you were a child? What you enjoyed as a ten-year-old is probably something you'd enjoy now." I was so moved by this idea that I called my mom immediately after reading it to ask what I enjoyed at 10-years-old.

Writing. Reading. Playing in the woods. Riding my bike. Having friends over all the time. Laughing until I peed my pants.

Granted, laughing until I pee my pants may not be a career option. But this list gives me lots of food for thought. Writing does fuel my passion. Outdoor time is still sacred for me. Good friends fill my bucket up daily. God has been telling me my strengths and passions for a long time, even since childhood. When did I stop listening?

Wherever you are today, whatever your journey at this moment...take heart. You have been molded since childhood to become who you are supposed to be, despite the mess ups and even the unintentional successes. Try to remember what re-charges and re-fuels you. It makes the journey so much more joyful and abundant along the way.

Stupid Artificial Christmas Tree

November is the month of gratitude. I love reading all the daily thankfulness posts on Facebook or the magazine articles on the art of gratitude. Perhaps it's over done, but I guess I like the fact that people are trying to slow down and appreciate the blessings in front of them. Gratitude is definitely a gift we have to cultivate.

After a wonderful day yesterday of eating turkey and catching up with family, I found myself already moving ahead to all the things I need to get done in December, the biggest consumption month of the year. I wrote handwritten Christmas cards last night until my hand cramped. I finished getting all the supplies for my advent calendar for my boys. And the hubby and I got into an argument this morning about why our stupid artificial tree is so much damn work. For him. Grrrr!

Thankfulness has already fled, my friends.

So I gathered my cup of coffee and retreated upstairs to write. I wanted to write something really meaningful, long-lasting, funny even, and far away from all the things in this house that are overwhelming (cleaning and laundry, Christmas decorations, shopping lists, etc.), but it's difficult to do much of anything when your spirit is overwhelmed. It's paralyzing.

I'm taking up a new strategy. Forget December. I'm staying in November forever--the month of being thankful for what is right in front of you. Quality time with my kids on a rare day off from work. A full fridge with Thanksgiving leftovers. A husband who makes me crazy, often daily, but knows the real me and loves me anyway.

The tree can wait. Right now, I'm going back down to snuggle with these fine loves. Three of my finest blessings.

Beauty in Life's Moments

I'm always rushing. I'm rushing to this event or my next meeting, or to pick up this, or to do that. At the end of the day, I've gotten a lot marked off my list, but I haven't enjoyed very many moments. Almost none, actually.

One of my favorite charities,  To Write Love on Her Arms, an organization that helps people struggling with addiction, sent me an email today with the t-shirt below. The proceeds from this shirt, purchased in the next seven days, go toward TWLOHA. While the flowers on this baseball tee are nice, it was the message that hit home for me. 

Beauty is found in life's moments.

Courtesy of Sevenly

It's so simple, yet so true. Beauty is in all of life's moments. The great ones, the terrible ones, the rushed ones, and the simple ones. It's waiting for us to soak it in. We just need a nudge, a reminder now and again, to stop rushing and start enjoying.

A message this strong is hard to resist. I bought the shirt. I'm such a sentimental sucker.

The Balancing Act of Life

I have a happy spirit inside me. It's been there every since I was a kid. I love life. I love family and friends. I also love the possibility of the next adventure up ahead, including all the interesting people I might meet along the way. I am a social soul.

Unfortunately, I hit a low patch the last couple of days. I'm not sure what triggered it or why it has stayed awhile, but I've been wanting to pull the covers over my head and stay there forever. All by myself. I'm teary and tired and temperamental. And, even worse, I feel like if I have to juggle one more ball in the air that is my crazy life, I could start shredding this big tent and give the freak show a run for their money with my hysterical screaming.

I am so tired of running the race. So so so tired.

Whenever I hit this humbling low, I find myself going back to the basics. It helps me unbury my head from the sand inch by inch. Gratitude always tops the list. I think about all the abundant blessings in my life and thank the Lord for every single one. I then write thank you notes to people in my life who are making a difference, whether they know or not. I feel better when I seal a note telling someone the world is a better place with them in it. Or, a simple, beautiful...I love you.

Honest talk with my friends comes next. I love to be the person that lifts people up with my kind words, support, and love. It's harder for me to be the one who needs lifting up. Instead of being happy Heather, I have to admit I'm struggling. I have to say the honest words. It's the only way I can accept the honest help. There is something so healing about letting people see the real you, ugly warts and all.

Lastly, I have to let go of some control. Not easy for a control freak, let me tell you. I want to know every single detail of every single minute so I can plan every single detail. If I don't have my pulse on everything, something might fall through the cracks. As you can imagine, this also causes much worry and anxiety and fretting. The world wouldn't stop spinning if I let go of a few things, would it? It wouldn't be a worse place if I took a time out and let someone else have a go. I must repeat over and over: I do not control the universe, I do control the universe, I do not control the universe.

In the end, I'm just me. I have to remember that being me comes with some amazing, unique, awesome highs and some unsettling, sadder lows. It is the great balancing act of life. We must remember we don't get to stay too long on either side. We find meaning in the moment, if we're lucky, then move on to the next great ride. 

Finding a Sister

I checked a big item off my bucket list this week. A sister's photo shoot. It's huge because, for one, I don't actually have a sister and, two, it involves some quirky, creative photography that is way beyond my skill set. In my mind, milking a goat would have been mastered way before I found a sister. I like it when life has other ideas.

Did I mention I have a wonderful friend with a wonderful name? Dulce. We have lots in common, too. Mother to two boys. Reading. Sharing stories. Laughing at ourselves until our bellies hurt. We even share a love of two sisters, Elsie and Emma, and their creative blogging, which also includes their "famous" sister photo shoots, where they dress up in clothes they've made or vintage finds. As it turns out, I'm not the only one with this item on her bucket list.

My original plan was to find some vintage clothes with Dulce, maybe even a thrift shop gem, and take some selfies of ourselves while giggling hysterically. Dulce took it one step further by enlisting another friend, who is a gifted photographer, to help us create an unforgettable photo adventure. And, friends, it was an adventure.

I've never seen a sunflower field so vibrant. Or ridden a two-seater bicycle. Or sat in the middle of a sun-warmed road and enjoyed the view outward. Or worn such a lovely vintage dress. Or laughed so hard. Or wished so much that a moment could last a little longer.

Here are a few photos from our sister's photo shoot.

Vintage fun in a sunflower field. Copyright Posy Creative.

Pinky swear we'll be friends forever. Copyright Posy Creative.

A bike built for two is risky business. Copyright Posy Creative.

Laughter and love, sister style. Copyright Posy Creative.

It feels good to check something off my bucket list. It feels even better to have invited someone along for the adventure. Life is pretty sweet. Enjoy it, my friends.

Love and Pizza Dough Beards

I used to think my love language was acts of service. However, in the last few months, I've come to realize just how important relationships and quality time are in my life. People tip my happiness scale upward. And while the crazy pace of my packed schedule often sucks the life right out of me, time spent nurturing relationships rarely does. 

This past weekend, my cup was overflowing with quality time. I had date night with the hubby. We had some great discussion over onion rings and IPA. I then got the opportunity to re-connect with someone I mentored many years ago, who is now a college student making her big dreams happen. Over dinner and catching up, I couldn't believe a decade had already passed in our friendship.

I also got to spend lots of quality time with my boys. We wrestled, fought over toys, played games at a picnic, jumped off diving boards, and ended our evening by sharing the best part of our day over pizza. We even managed to work in making a full beard out of pizza dough. It may not be proper table etiquette, but it's what we do when we're having fun.

Boy with pizza dough beard.

So, friends, here is my wish for us all this week...

May your days be filled with laughter and pizza-dough beards. May you feel loved from the person sitting next to you, or across from you, or in front of you. May your cup be full, even slightly overflowing, and may you always remember to fill the cup of others. May you be kind, loving, and present. May you love boldly and be boldly loved back. May your happiness scale, if it must be pointed somewhere, always be pointed up.