Monday, May 28, 2012

{Unstick the Funk}

I have been in a royal funk. Funk as in everything around me is circling quickly, but I am in slow motion spinning the other way. Funk as in I would rather be alone (most days) than in relationship with others. Funk as in a big ole' negative Nelly you wouldn't want to know. I like funky, which is my usual creative flow, but this funk has gotten bigger. It's starting to pull me down.

Funk magnifiers in my life:
1. No hiking. No nature. No moving it. I am a salty and sugary slug.

2. No idea on what to do next in my life. Know I should be doing more, but even though the feeling is super strong, the plan looks hazy. Fog can be so darn frustrating.

3. Nil on creativity. I'm not writing or art journaling or daydreaming. I've been too busy cat-napping, power-napping, or eyelid-dropping.

4. Adventure-less. My bucket list is pretty powerful and full. Unfortunately, I'm not checking anything off. It's only words on a page right now. Empty to-do's. 

5. Less conversations with God. I'm a talker. People, animals, nature, and especially God. He has been the only Father in my life that really listens. Lately, I've been talking less and less. The real shame is I'm not really listening either.

These feelings swirling around have made me think, weirdly enough, of Mother Teresa. She was a faithful woman. She was kind. She cared more for others than she did herself. And she was wise, but so humble in her approach. She also, for many years, felt God had abandoned her, which she expressed poignantly in letters. I'm no Mother Teresa, and not even in the same league as her legacy, but it does make me feel less alone. Funk sticks to all kinds of people, I guess. It's the unsticking that is key.

Here's my plan of action to unstick the funk:
1. Quit trying to always have a plan. Jeez. I don't need to plan every detail of my life or those around me. The world will still spin if I stop organizing the universe. Perhaps if I'm more spontaneous, the funk won't know where to find me.

2. Keep trying new things. Creativity and a renewed joy may unfold in the most common places. I'm hoping it's in a kayak because I just signed up for basic lessons. One down on the bucket list, too. I would also like to check off "Give free hugs on a street corner." Any ideas on the best corner in Jefferson City? It's action time.

3. Stay in relationship with others. Even when I don't feel like I have anything more to give, I do. I really, really do. It's okay to let some things go, maybe even a relationship or two, in order to give the best of myself to others. If I get a wee bit back in return, that's just an added bonus not an expectation.

4. Prayer is not optional. I know there is a bigger plan for my life and, if I'm not taking time to be in meaningful conversation with the Man with the master plan, I am missing the boat (or the kayak), my friends. The world is too chaotic and overwhelming to not welcome that kind of love in my life.

As Mother Teresa said in her letter to Rev. Michael van der Peet, " for me, the silence and the emptiness is so great, that I look and do not see, — Listen and do not hear — the tongue moves [in prayer] but does not speak … I want you to pray for me — that I let Him have [a] free hand."

Starting now, I am letting Him have a free hand. I will embrace the next adventure. I will love better and more. I will not be afraid of funk and/or failure because I can do this. I know I can. And, in the spirit of including others in my story to make it more meaningful, I was wondering if you would be interested in joining me? There will be some funk (you can count on that!), but it may also turn out to be a really great time. I'm hopeful.