Friday, September 28, 2012

{Crazy Days, Wicked Ways}

When I was a kid, I would get giddy every year when The Wizard of Oz aired on TV. It was such a captivating story of good versus evil. Dorothy was nice. Munchkin land a bit bizarre. And the wizard always turned out to be a big, fat fake. 

But what I really loved and held in high esteem was the the green-faced Wicked Witch of the West. She was loyal (to her sister). She was bold (wearing a large, pointy hat). And she had a cackle that could clear a room. I remember sobbing uncontrollably at the end when she melted away. Goodbye, dear witch.

Ironically, the wicked witch and I have something in common these days. I'm in full meltdown mode, too, my friends. Today was the tipping point, it seems, where I have become the worst possible version of myself. An angry, tired, cranky, yelling, irritated, crying, green ball of goo. Icky to everyone around me, including to my own two flying monkeys, who are, at this moment, in the other room avoiding me.

I'm pretty sure this meltdown is the culmination of a schedule packed way to full, weeks upon weeks worth, and my hormones swinging around like a tee-ball batter at home plate. While I consider myself an optimistic, jovial gal for the most part, today I feel like my ship is sinking. I've run out of steam for the crazy pace of my life. Then I'm sad about it, then angry, then sad, then angry again.

I lost my patience tonight over my husband's blaring reggae music, my son popping bubble wrap, too many people talking at once, no one cleaning their plate, stacks of paperwork on top of the table, dirty socks under the table, brothers fighting incessantly, and the dog licking himself over and over again. AAAAAHHHHHHH! "I'm melting, I'm melting!"

The good thing about a meltdown, I guess, if there is one, is that you get start over. Begin again. Build yourself back up, but at a slower pace. Even make some sincere apologies where due (and believe me, I owe quite a few). You also realize, and this is a big one for me, that the real people in your life will love you despite all your imperfections---the green face, the ugly pointy hat, your cackle. I'm not worthy, yet still I'm forgiven and loved. Hard to give up on something like that.