Stupid Artificial Christmas Tree

November is the month of gratitude. I love reading all the daily thankfulness posts on Facebook or the magazine articles on the art of gratitude. Perhaps it's over done, but I guess I like the fact that people are trying to slow down and appreciate the blessings in front of them. Gratitude is definitely a gift we have to cultivate.

After a wonderful day yesterday of eating turkey and catching up with family, I found myself already moving ahead to all the things I need to get done in December, the biggest consumption month of the year. I wrote handwritten Christmas cards last night until my hand cramped. I finished getting all the supplies for my advent calendar for my boys. And the hubby and I got into an argument this morning about why our stupid artificial tree is so much damn work. For him. Grrrr!

Thankfulness has already fled, my friends.

So I gathered my cup of coffee and retreated upstairs to write. I wanted to write something really meaningful, long-lasting, funny even, and far away from all the things in this house that are overwhelming (cleaning and laundry, Christmas decorations, shopping lists, etc.), but it's difficult to do much of anything when your spirit is overwhelmed. It's paralyzing.

I'm taking up a new strategy. Forget December. I'm staying in November forever--the month of being thankful for what is right in front of you. Quality time with my kids on a rare day off from work. A full fridge with Thanksgiving leftovers. A husband who makes me crazy, often daily, but knows the real me and loves me anyway.

The tree can wait. Right now, I'm going back down to snuggle with these fine loves. Three of my finest blessings.

The Balancing Act of Life

I have a happy spirit inside me. It's been there every since I was a kid. I love life. I love family and friends. I also love the possibility of the next adventure up ahead, including all the interesting people I might meet along the way. I am a social soul.

Unfortunately, I hit a low patch the last couple of days. I'm not sure what triggered it or why it has stayed awhile, but I've been wanting to pull the covers over my head and stay there forever. All by myself. I'm teary and tired and temperamental. And, even worse, I feel like if I have to juggle one more ball in the air that is my crazy life, I could start shredding this big tent and give the freak show a run for their money with my hysterical screaming.

I am so tired of running the race. So so so tired.

Whenever I hit this humbling low, I find myself going back to the basics. It helps me unbury my head from the sand inch by inch. Gratitude always tops the list. I think about all the abundant blessings in my life and thank the Lord for every single one. I then write thank you notes to people in my life who are making a difference, whether they know or not. I feel better when I seal a note telling someone the world is a better place with them in it. Or, a simple, beautiful...I love you.

Honest talk with my friends comes next. I love to be the person that lifts people up with my kind words, support, and love. It's harder for me to be the one who needs lifting up. Instead of being happy Heather, I have to admit I'm struggling. I have to say the honest words. It's the only way I can accept the honest help. There is something so healing about letting people see the real you, ugly warts and all.

Lastly, I have to let go of some control. Not easy for a control freak, let me tell you. I want to know every single detail of every single minute so I can plan every single detail. If I don't have my pulse on everything, something might fall through the cracks. As you can imagine, this also causes much worry and anxiety and fretting. The world wouldn't stop spinning if I let go of a few things, would it? It wouldn't be a worse place if I took a time out and let someone else have a go. I must repeat over and over: I do not control the universe, I do control the universe, I do not control the universe.

In the end, I'm just me. I have to remember that being me comes with some amazing, unique, awesome highs and some unsettling, sadder lows. It is the great balancing act of life. We must remember we don't get to stay too long on either side. We find meaning in the moment, if we're lucky, then move on to the next great ride. 

{Crazy Roller Coaster Monkeys}

I blog when I'm happy. I also blog only once a month. Mmmm. Interesting correlation.

It's been a tough week and, I note with an exaggerated sigh, that it's only Tuesday. I've been a single mom for the past few days and being in charge of the universe, or even our small household, is not a job title I relish. It sucks actually.

Our boys have been acting like crazy monkeys, the dog has eaten more silly bands then I can count (and two bananas this morning), and we have no running water, thanks to a lovely leak in our 100-year-old pipe somewhere in the back yard. Presents are begging to be wrapped and I haven't even thought about food dishes I need to prepare. Plus, there is more work at work than I know how to get done this week. Dang it, I'm tearing up just writing this stupid list.

Here's the thing. I feel like a silly girl for all these minor frustrations I let set the direction of my day. I have a great life, full of wonderful people that I love and that love me, but here I am writing down a list of complaints in my week. The biggest one may be that I'm overwhelmed by the pace of my life. The lack of control, or perception thereof, sets me spinning. As much as I try, I haven't figured out how to change that yet.

When my kids are arguing or complaining, I always make them say one thing they are grateful for at that moment. Expressing gratitude can change everything. So here it is....my gratitude turnaround for this exact moment. I'm thankful for this roller coaster that is my life because, even when I'm screaming and holding on for dear life, the view is pretty darn amazing. If I get to have someone next to me in the seat, or perhaps puking in front of me, well, I'll count myself even luckier because the journey is richer with others.

Thank you for listening tonight, friends. I do feel some happiness pouring in.

Lots of love and sweet hugs,

Heather

{Attitude for Gratitude}

I've had a lot of things on my mind lately. None of which have made it to my blog, or the small idea book, or even my one-line-a-day journal. In fact, I think the last one liner I wrote about my "exciting" life was back in mid-September. I suck at keeping up.

It has been an amazing Thanksgiving holiday though. Before the food frenzy even began, three people I love dearly asked me for recipes to serve their family and friends on Thanksgiving. That's a lot of trust. Plus, they all gave me rave reviews after the chowing was done, which tickled me pink. I love to feed my own family, but knowing the love was passed on is exciting and, in a crazy way, fulfilling.

I also skipped all Black Friday shopping yesterday for some outdoor time. When the weather is 65 degrees at the end of November, it's time to thank Mother Nature by soaking it up. The boys and I went on an outdoor hiking adventure in the 100-acres of woods around the grandparent's house. It was an adventure alright. I never got to be the leader, the dog jumped into the pond, there were some tears over a nasty thorn bush, and a random tick fell out of my underwear (alive and happy, I might add!) after we finally made it back to the house. It was a pretty good morning. Then to top it off, I got to discover a new hiking trail at Binder, all by myself during afternoon naps, with a great winding path and even better views. I truly believe the smell of cedar can heal almost anything.

So am I thankful? You bet. I'm most thankful for being able to slow down a bit and enjoy the really good stuff. My family. Nature. Great food. Friends. A good read. Snuggles on the couch. A warm home. Love. Plus all the great adventures I get to have along the way. I'm blessed. No, scratch that. I'm super blessed. And as frustrating as life becomes along the way or as frazzled as I may be in a moment, there are such big pockets of happiness tucked in between. I just have to embrace them. I hope you will, too.