Tuesday, August 7, 2012

{Stinky Ham, Man}

I can always tell when life gets too hectic and our schedules start bursting at the seams. My hubby and I start fighting. Well, maybe, fighting isn't the right word. It's more of a blow out, where he lets out all the stuff he's bottled up for months, and then I begin to slowly simmer at his unkind words. 

And simmer. And simmer. And simmer. It's a quiet rage that might scare you, my friends.

One time, we fought about stinky ham. I wish I kidding, but I'm not. So, here's the thing, and maybe not a surprise for those in my inner food circle, but I'm terrible with leftovers. Terrible! Also, I'm super finicky about expiration dates. I don't really think that's a marriage deal breaker unless, of course, you're married to my husband. 

He loathes, hates, absolutely detests that I will push aside older lunch meat for more recently purchased goods. I cannot even stand the thought of sniffing stinky lunch meat, more less tasting it. I feel nauseous just writing this. Gross.

The blowout begins simply. I was at the counter making sandwiches for the kids with new ham, but there was a few slices of old ham straddling some string cheese way back in the fridge. I know because I pushed it back there getting to the new stuff. He realized this, eventually, when he went to make his own lunch and we were almost finished with ours. Things went WAY downhill from here. 

We went from talking about stinky ham (somewhat rationally) to transitioning to how he always gets stuck with the "leftovers" with everything in this family (not so rational and at a louder decibel). He is always last on the priority list. He is always picking up my slack. He is always compromising while I just do whatever I feel like all the time. At one point, I think I actually saw him gag as he stuffed the stinky ham sandwich in his mouth to prove his point. He always has to eat the shitty, stinky ham!!!

It's hard for me to know, quite honestly, how stinky ham translates into not feeling like your a priority in some one's life. It's weird man-talk and I always feel like I can never quite digest it in the moment. But it's heartfelt. Also, incredibly hard to hear. 

Your husband, who you are absolutely wild about (well, on your better days at least), thinks he's at the bottom of the barrel in your life. It saddens me. It really does. I also get frustrated because I feel like I am showing him love in all kinds of way, including his love language of words of affirmation, but apparently I'm missing the mark.

As with any relationship, it helps to remember it dips down with the stinky ham, but it also cycles back up again, if you can hang on tight enough. You just keep working on it. You try not to hold on to the hurt. You move on. You also call your husband every time you are at the grocery store to tell him you love him because you are about to buy new ham you will definitely eat before the stinky ham. This is the cycle of life and love, my friends. There is a lesson in all things.

P.S. I really do hate stinky ham. True story.

1 comment:

  1. Delightfully transparent and easy-to-relate to, Heather--as always. It may not be stinky ham, but I guess we all have those sticking points that seem to poke into and through our relationship with the one we share our life with and are committed to. Trying to sort it out leads to all kinds of emotions: anger, guilt, blame, guilt, depression, guilt. Thanks for reminding us that we have to remain strong and committed (and humble!) as we work through our stinky ham stuff.