{Stinky Ham, Man}

I can always tell when life gets too hectic and our schedules start bursting at the seams. My hubby and I start fighting. Well, maybe, fighting isn't the right word. It's more of a blow out, where he lets out all the stuff he's bottled up for months, and then I begin to slowly simmer at his unkind words. 

And simmer. And simmer. And simmer. It's a quiet rage that might scare you, my friends.

One time, we fought about stinky ham. I wish I kidding, but I'm not. So, here's the thing, and maybe not a surprise for those in my inner food circle, but I'm terrible with leftovers. Terrible! Also, I'm super finicky about expiration dates. I don't really think that's a marriage deal breaker unless, of course, you're married to my husband. 

He loathes, hates, absolutely detests that I will push aside older lunch meat for more recently purchased goods. I cannot even stand the thought of sniffing stinky lunch meat, more less tasting it. I feel nauseous just writing this. Gross.

The blowout begins simply. I was at the counter making sandwiches for the kids with new ham, but there was a few slices of old ham straddling some string cheese way back in the fridge. I know because I pushed it back there getting to the new stuff. He realized this, eventually, when he went to make his own lunch and we were almost finished with ours. Things went WAY downhill from here. 

We went from talking about stinky ham (somewhat rationally) to transitioning to how he always gets stuck with the "leftovers" with everything in this family (not so rational and at a louder decibel). He is always last on the priority list. He is always picking up my slack. He is always compromising while I just do whatever I feel like all the time. At one point, I think I actually saw him gag as he stuffed the stinky ham sandwich in his mouth to prove his point. He always has to eat the shitty, stinky ham!!!

It's hard for me to know, quite honestly, how stinky ham translates into not feeling like your a priority in some one's life. It's weird man-talk and I always feel like I can never quite digest it in the moment. But it's heartfelt. Also, incredibly hard to hear. 

Your husband, who you are absolutely wild about (well, on your better days at least), thinks he's at the bottom of the barrel in your life. It saddens me. It really does. I also get frustrated because I feel like I am showing him love in all kinds of way, including his love language of words of affirmation, but apparently I'm missing the mark.

As with any relationship, it helps to remember it dips down with the stinky ham, but it also cycles back up again, if you can hang on tight enough. You just keep working on it. You try not to hold on to the hurt. You move on. You also call your husband every time you are at the grocery store to tell him you love him because you are about to buy new ham you will definitely eat before the stinky ham. This is the cycle of life and love, my friends. There is a lesson in all things.

P.S. I really do hate stinky ham. True story.

Yes, I Do!

When I got married 10 years ago, I had long curly hair, a college diploma with the ink barely dry, a whole plethora of life experiences (I thought!) in my back pocket. I was 22, but I felt 32. People constantly asked if I was ready to get married, being so young and all, and I remember thinking that they knew absolutely nothing about me. I was mature and energetic. I was ambitious, but kind. And above all us, I was loyal, through the good and the bad.

I had no flippin' idea. Marriage was actually work, really hard work at that. This person who wooed me and loved me and read poetry to me turned out to be the least romantic husband in the world. It's like the wedding package was all bright and shiny, but the marriage center was kind of gooey and tart. I already took a bite, so it was too late to return it to the store.

Today, it's been 10 years since we took our vows. I am 32, but I feel 42. I am still the wife to one, but now a mother to two. Life is so exhausting that I rarely think about the day I wore white and promised to love, honor and cherish. I hardly know the girl I was. I have, however, gained a few more life experiences, which is good because the jeans are a little bigger these days, too.

If I could give advice to a soon-to-be-bride, who, like me, is young and a tad foolish for the bright, shiny package of marriage, here is what I would say:

• Nothing can prepare you for your new husband moving his stuff into your one bedroom apartment in trash bags then asking where he should hang his black light. Do not be afraid. It may take 10-15 years, but he may mature into something really amazing, especially with your love and acceptance. Then again, he may not.
• There are five love languages. Know your own, but especially know your husbands. You are wasting your energy doing four other love languages when, really, all you need to focus in on is one--his. It helps to tape your love language to the bathroom mirror, so he reads what you need every morning of his life.
• Nobody is perfect. If you can't forget, at least try to forgive. You may sacrifice more, hurt more, give more, love more than you ever imagined, but there are great rewards. The ironic part is that you might not always see those rewards. Keep working on it anyway.
• In the first year of marriage, go through a Dave Ramsey Financial Peace class, so you the last thing you have to worry about is your finances. Also, please don't play the lottery. Being rich gets you in as much trouble as being poor. Aim for the middle, or a little higher, I say.
• Never mention divorce in jest or in anger. I truly believe saying the word gives it power over your relationship. It's like a seed in the bottom of your heart. It may grow sprouts at the oddest time and push all the other good stuff right out of the way.
• Lastly, be careful of all marriage advice from others, including the information above. Every person is different, so is every marriage. Cookie cutter advice only works well when making cookies, not when talking about relationships or people.

I can honestly say I love my husband more today than I did when we got married. He also drives me just as crazy. It's our anniversary and we made a wonderful family meal in the kitchen together with our kids, which just tugs on the heart strings, but now I've got to go clean up in the kitchen all by myself. He's on the couch, sprawled out, laughing hysterically at the TV.

This is my married life, the good and the bad. I do, I do, I do.