Sunday, February 1, 2009

Old Ghosts

I'm a firm believer that people pass through your life for a distinct reason. Some stay awhile and many just keeping on moving. Loving relationships exist. Destructive ones do, too. I guess it's important to have a balance in all things, relationships included.

I came across an old friend this weekend. A first love, if I'm really honest with myself. While we parted ways years ago on the kindest of terms and wished the best for each other, it's always an odd feeling to come face-to-face with your past.

What I feel like saying is....
Well, hello. It's going to take me a few minutes to catch my breath.....I'm always astounded when our paths cross. We're complete strangers now though at one time you consumed my world. I loved you completely before I even really knew what love was. You look wonderful, by the way, though certainly not the boy I knew. Only your smile seems vaguely familiar. You loved me, too, right? I thought so. Thank you for that.

What I say is.....
Hey, how are you? How is the family? I'm great. Family's good, too. Yeah, it has been awhile. Take care of yourself.

I want relationships to stay the same, sad as that may be. If we meet having coffee, I would like to keep having coffee with you forever. If we became friends at book club, let's keep reading books to eternity. I don't care to change it. If I loved you once, I feel sad that love has slipped away, even when a grander love has arrived to take it's place. It applies to all that have crossed my path, friends and lovers alike.

How do I change this about myself? Well, I guess for one, I stop dwelling on the past. I take off the rose-colored glasses. Put away the daydreams about "what if" and "what could have been." And I stop being surprised when the past is standing in front of me. Because the truth is, people cannot love you forever. We just have to keep going, keep reaching, keep loving.


  1. I just love this post - so true!

  2. wow heather! this was a deep post for me to read on a monday morningn. loved it though. lish just sent me your site--can't wait to read more (nor can i wait for game night!).

  3. don't try to change this about yourself! we can love and love and love and still come up with an endless supply of love to give...because love is limitless. i love all the boys/guys/men that were in my life - they are wonderful people and we shared so much, and i think it's ok to have a reserve in your heart just for them. just like it's ok to love the (sweet, silly, naive) girl you were.